ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
