I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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