I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
