FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
