The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
