If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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