Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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