I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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