just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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