mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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