Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
