Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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