I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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