My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
