just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize