epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
