Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
