wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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