My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize