after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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