Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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