I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
