You don't have asthma, your pregnant
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
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