mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
