If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
