Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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