I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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