I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
