so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
