It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
