its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
this beer tastes like vomit already
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
