it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
