The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
