there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
