I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel like abortions should bother me more
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
