You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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