this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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