Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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