Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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