Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
