listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
