we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
