apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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