I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
