So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
