If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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