did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
