I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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