she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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