Fine. I'll sleep in my office
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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