i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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