True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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