and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
