So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
