glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
