If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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