I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
