2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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