just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
