Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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