5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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