Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
