Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
