The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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