My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
